


Salvation Man Is a Cup of Fire

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Canon-typical swearing, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor, It's a Crack Fic I Promise, Lisa (Castlevania) Lives, Little Bit of Feels at the End There for a Couple Lines, Religious Themes, the pairing is not the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 00:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21498988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: Dracula's wife is about to be burned as a witch. God is upset by this and sends a messenger to tell her wayward followers what's what.
Relationships: Dracula/Lisa (Castlevania)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 137





	Salvation Man Is a Cup of Fire

~ Salvation Man Is a Cup of Fire ~

Just as the bishop was about to light the pyre, he was interrupted by a sudden lightning strike. But he wasn't going to let some weather occurrence deter him.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said a smarmy voice right by the bishop's ear.

The bishop startled so badly that he nearly dropped his flaming stick. But he quickly rallied and whirled around to face the intruder.

"How dare you try tell me what to do!" the bishop snapped, puffing up with (what was, to his mind anyway) righteous indignation. "I am a bishop of the church. And the witch must burn!"

The stranger seemed distinctly unimpressed with the bishop's impassioned declaration.

"Bishop of the church, do you know who _I_ am?"

He paused as if waiting for him to guess, but the bishop obviously had no clue who - or _what_ \- he was mouthing off to so irreverently.

"I'm the Archangel fucking Gabriel." He paused a moment to let that sink in, before continuing. "This-" Gabriel waved a hand in the general direction of the pyre. "-is some bullshit."

With another wave of his hand, the stake and kindling disappeared (as well as the stick from the bishop's hand, although only the bishop himself noticed that it went missing), and Lisa found herself untied... as well as dressed in more presentable clothing. Apparently the Archangel Gabriel was not a fan of letting people go around dressed badly. Which, when she thought about it later, Lisa would find quite odd. At the moment, however, her thoughts mostly consisted of things along the lines of _holy shit, a real angel is really here right now in front of me and saved me from being burned at the stake as a witch_.

"God is pissed off," Gabriel said, his violet eyes flashing with menace even as he slung his arm around the bishop's shoulders in what _appeared_ to be a friendly gesture. "She said, and I quote: 'Don't make come down there and smite you.' So, what _you're_ going to do is go reassess your faith on some remote mountain."

Gabriel gave the bishop's shoulder a squeeze, and suddenly the human wasn't there anymore.

Turning to address the assembled crowd, the angel said, "As for the rest of you, no more witch hunts. No more witch burnings. Yes, demons exist and try to corrupt humans all the time. But! Just concentrate on being a good person yourself, and leave the evil-thwarting to us angels, because - trust me on this - you idiots aren't any good at it."

His task completed, the Archangel Gabriel departed in a flash of lightning.

While most of the human crowd kept staring at the spot where he'd disappeared for several long minutes after the angel was gone, Lisa used their distraction to quietly slip away. Even if they'd just been spoken to by an _actual angel_ , she still wouldn't trust some of the bishop's cronies not to try to finish what they'd started.

On her way out of the city, she passed by the burning wreckage of the little cottage where she'd treated her patients. She was shocked to find her husband standing there, and he appeared equally as shocked at seeing her.

"They told me you'd been burned at the stake as a witch by the church," Dracula said as he reached out to touch her face, as if he were checking to see if she were real.

"Well, they tried," Lisa replied, smiling up at him as she leaned into the touch. "But then the Archangel Gabriel showed up and said that God doesn't approve of witch hunts, so..."

"Wait, what."

~end~


End file.
